When you're new to the world of foster care, there's a lot to learn.
What even is "the foster care system?"
Why does a child enter foster care?
What does TPR stand for?
Who are all of these workers?
How do I parent a child who has experienced abuse or neglect?
The list goes on and on.
My husband and I did not grow up knowing many foster families. Why there weren't more foster families in our churches growing up is a soap box I'll save for another day. :) Admittedly, the few glimpses we got of foster care didn't exactly leave a great impression.
It wasn't until we got married that we found a church home FILLED with foster and adoptive families. One particular Sunday I was helping in the 3-year-old class and realized that one-third of the class was adopted or in foster care. While the circumstances that lead to foster care and adoption are never what you hope for a child, something felt right about seeing our faith community take ownership and champion the cause of the vulnerable.
The more we learned about foster care, the more we realized we didn't know. We were in our mid-twenties and childless. We were naïve about many of the challenges children in foster care experience. Respite care was our solution to meeting a practical need in the foster care system while simultaneously growing in our knowledge and ability to be trauma-informed parents.
Foster care involves unknowns. You've never met these children and what little information you are given by the agency may turn out to be incorrect or only partially true. However, respite care has fewer unknowns than long-term foster care. With respite care, you have the privilege of knowing:
when they're arriving and when they're going home (back to their foster family)
who and what they're going home to (their foster family, which is hopefully a loving and safe environment)
what they like and don't like to eat, play, and do (the foster family can share what they know to help you prepare)
Respite care is still a leap of faith, but it's a more controlled way to learn how to manage different ages and behaviors (important skills when you don't have children yet and haven't been exposed to trauma). If you do already have children, respite care can be a great way to introduce them to foster care before committing to a longer-term situation (if that's what you're hoping to do in the future).
Our thought process led us to the conclusion that respite care was where we could make a difference right now, in this season - so that's what we pursued. It wasn't until later that we realized just how important respite care is - and given the huge shortage of respite families in our area, we knew that respite care was where we were meant to be long-term.
Respite care uniquely positions you to serve both the children AND their "long-term" foster families. Respite care can feel like a warm hug for a family who needs support and may feel isolated, overwhelmed and/or exhausted. There are MANY reasons why a family may need respite care - and your support may be just the encouragement they need to keep going. About half of long-term foster parents quit within the first year, and the lack of support is a big reason cited for their exit. While we pursued respite foster care with the children in mind, we didn't realize how much we'd also impact their foster families.
The Bible instructs us to care for the vulnerable among us and respite care is a perfect opportunity to do what God calls us to do. If you're looking for a crystal clear way to live out what the Bible commands, getting involved in foster care (in any capacity) is a great start!
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A difficult pregnancy and some lingering health issues forced us to close our doors after 2.5 years and saying "yes" to nine kiddos (some of whom stayed with us multiple times during that time span). If my health issues can be resolved, we're hopeful to do it again. In the meantime, I hope this site provides the encouragement and resources you need as you discern whether respite care is the path you'd like to pursue. It's a worthy cause, friend.
Emily | Respite Foster Mom